the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
