Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
