Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
