so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My breasts were aching with rage.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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