U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
