Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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