We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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