I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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