Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
