i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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