You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He did a backflip because drugs
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