How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
