So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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