he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
