I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize