I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
