I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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