Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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