I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
