I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
