i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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