You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
