It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
