He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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