This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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