If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
operation have a gay friend backfired
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
