All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
