tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
