you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
