Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
