pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
