Dual....:-)
now i know why i became what i already was.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
