i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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