I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
