You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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