halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How's work?
Spinning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
