dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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