Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
