last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
