i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
