i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
