I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
