I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
