took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
