No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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