How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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