yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
this hospital has no fireball
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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