You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
