when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
