you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
