Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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