i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Can Purell be used as lube?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
