Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
the liver wants what the liver wants
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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