I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
