just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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