i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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