I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
