I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
