He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
