What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
