You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
