I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
All I want is dick and wine.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
