Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
