This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
