i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
